Mammy Nature's Boys
by SquamousEpithelium
Summary: Mammy Nature comes to stay with the Guardians. Hilarity follows her every step. Rated M for strong language, adult humor and a sex scene. The Icy Reaper sequel.
1. Chapter 1

**_The Icy Reaper part II: Mammy Nature's Boys_**

**_Family/Humor/Romance_**

**_Warning: This chapter is rated M for Adult humor, Sexual themes and a lot of strong language. Intended to be a sequel._**

Chapter 1: Moving in.

* * *

Me and Jack stood in front of the globe, holding hands. The golden lights were glowing brighter than ever before. Every now and then, we turned to face each other and shared a quick kiss. The Guardians stood by the control panel, trying to avoid our gaze.

Jack rested his head on my shoulder. I was starting to have a thought. 'Jack, where do you live?' I asked. 'I... I don't really live anywhere,' he said, 'I mostly spend my time lodging here in the pole.' I smiled. 'Well, I've got room at my house. Do you fancy taking up residence there?' Jack stared at me. I felt a little nervous. 'Yeah, I would.'

The time it took for Jack to move in was virtually instantaneous as his only possession that was truly his own was his staff. On the moving day, I decided to throw a small party for Jack and I had the other Guardians come along to join in.

'Ready Jack?' I asked, with my hands placed over his eyes. He was smiling. 'Yes, I'm ready,' he said, smiling as well. I removed my hands. 'Oh, wow!' Jack said, staring at the cottage. I had changed the desktop theme from _Grim _to _Icy_ and now it was barely recognisable. The lawns were coated with a thin lining of snow. The trees in the orchard looked like giant snow-cones. The house looked like an iced gingerbread house, the warm lights in the window glowing softly.

Jack turned to me smiling. 'You did this all for me?' he asked, breathlessly. I caressed Jack's cheek. 'Jack, for you I would tear down the moon and that is not an exaggeration,' I said hugging him close to me. **'may i show you and your friend inside, master death?' **came a hollow voice. My new maid, Bonehilda the skeleton, had come out of the house to greet us. Jack stared. 'Thank you Bonehilda, but I'll show Jack inside. Is dinner ready?' **'almost sir. i estimate ten more minutes.' **'Jack, let me show you around.' I took his arm and escorted him into the house.

I showed him into the dining hall. The decorations were nothing short of remarkable. Icicles pointed down from the roof and enchanted snow was falling between the individual ice fingers. Most impressively, I had frosted the windows and had pressed words into the ice which formed the sentence "Welcome home Jack." And as for the buffet table... it looked like a cross between thanksgiving and christmas dinner. Turkey, beef, chicken, pork, goose and duck occupied the main silver platters. Potatoes of every kind imaginable from mashed to boiled had been arranged around the table. There were tureens of buttered peas and platters of steamed carrots (especially for Bunny), plates of salmon, a cheese board, a fruit bowl, bottles of champagne, boats of thick, rich gravy, home-made, brick-oven baked bread and in pride of place a massive ice sculpture of Jack.

Jack looked at me, lost for words. A tear slid down his cheek.

About five minutes later the Guardians arrived. Their expressions were even more dumbfounded then Jack's had been. Elves, Yetis, Egg-sentinels and mini-fairies had also come to join the party.

While Bunny was sneaking many of the carrots, Sandy drinking down the champagne to a cheering crowd of elves and Tooth was admiring the thoughtfulness of the fruit bowl, North came up to me and Jack with a plate piled high with what looked like half the buffet table. 'I must offer congratulation, to you,' he said smiling down at us with a small cocktail sausage in his free hand. Jack smiled. 'Thanks North,' he said, taking a small gulp of champagne. I placed my arm around Jack's shoulder. 'I don't think I can find a single factor that can spoil today.'

There came a knock at the door. 'I will get it,' North said, giving his plate to a passing yeti and marching towards the doors. At this point, Bunny and Tooth came up to us. Bunny was smiling. 'Well, I must say mate, you throw a great party,' he said taking a bite of a carrot. 'I can't think of a more perfect couple,' Tooth said smiling. 'Two tender souls whom have never before known true romance...' 'Okay Tooth that's far enough,' I said.

'Have ya noticed?' Bunny said suddenly, pointing over his shoulder. A drunken Sandy was floating there with his hand around Bonehilda's shoulder. 'You don't think he fancies her do you?' Jack asked. I was just about to respond when a scream rent the air. All of us sprinted towards the door, weapons raised as North backed away from the door. Bunny, Tooth and Sandy came to a halt and screamed as well.

Standing in the door frame was a short, fat, bespectacled old woman. Her curly, mouse-brown hair was held up on her head with a leaf-shaped hair pin and under her lip was a large mole. She was wearing a woollen blouse and a mini-skirt. She smiled (Tooth winced) and said 'Hello boy'sh, Mammy'sh back.'

* * *

Chapter 1.5: Mammy Arrives.

'M-M-M Mammy Nature?!' North stuttered. 'Ten outta ten for obshervation,' Mammy said. She strode past us, looking around. 'Not bad,' she said. 'I remember the party where I met Manny. Loud mushic, shmoke everywhere, flashing lightsh. I wash there five minutesh before I realished it wash on feckin' fire.' I inhaled half a glass of champagne up my nose as I tried to suppress my laughter. Mammy stared at me.

'What'sh fuckin' wrong wi' you?' she snapped. I flushed. She turned to Jack. ''Ave you found yourshelf a nice little wife, Jack?' 'Wha...!?' Jack spluttered. 'Boyfriend actually,' Tooth interjected suddenly with an attempt at a smile, 'And it's Death.' 'Ah good fer you Tooff,' Mammy said grinning at her, revealing she only had one tooth. Tooth herself winced again.

'Um, Mammy, what are you doing here?' Bunny asked. His left ear was twitching. 'The fam'ly homesh bein' de-c'ntaminated. Granddad'sh contracted dyshintry and he shat out the houshe.' Sandy winced at this crude statement. Mammy left the room and then came back in wheeling an old, fat man in a wheelchair. He was fast asleep. 'Grandfather Time?' Tooth exclaimed. At the mention of his name, Grandfather Time suddenly woke up, pointed at Jack and said 'What's he doin' here alive?' 'I'm shure he'sh lookin' at you thinkin' eshactly the shame thing,' Mammy said before hitting granddad on the head with a tray. He passed out.

'Ave' ye got anywhere t' shtay?' Mammy asked. All of the Guardians looked awkward. Finally Bunny said 'There's always room at the Warren.' 'Thanksh, but Granddad needs a houshe, not a fuckin' shit-hole.' Bunny looked quite affronted at this, but seemed too afraid of Mammy to say anything about it. 'I have room at my Palace,' Tooth offered gently. 'I don't fanshy being pecked to shleep by a load'a fuckin' pigeonsh every night.' Tooth flushed. 'The Pole is free,' North said. 'Fuckin' perfect,' Mammy said. 'Come and 'elp me wit' Granddad. He needsh hish medsh,' and Mammy took out a bottle of Viagra.

'You're giving him Viagra!?' I exclaimed. 'The Groundhog shaid it would shtop him pisshing on hish shlippersh.' Jack cuckled under his breath, 'Did it work?' he asked, attempting to keep a straight face. 'Kinda,' Mammy said. 'Hish shlippersh are dry, but hesh pisshin' on the fuckin' ceiling now.'

* * *

**_This is a tester chapter. further reviews will give me a better idea as to what to do._**

**_Note: This is my enterpritation of Mother Nature, intended for amusement purposes only. Any similarities to any people living or dead is completely coincidental and not my fault._**


	2. Chapter 2: Valentine's Day

Valentines day

* * *

North sat in front of his fireplace snoozing. 'Wake up, ya lazshy arsh!' North awoke with a start and fell off of the chair. Mammy was standing over him looking disapproving. 'It'sh ten pasht twelve,' she snapped. North pulled himself to his feet. 'I'm sorry, Mammy. I was up all night comforting Jack.' 'Ah,' Mammy said, her expression softening. All of the Guardians knew what had happened; Jack and Death had fallen out the previous night. Jack had spent that night sleeping back in Burgess, and no one had seen Death all day.

Mammy turned to the globe control panel, pressed a few buttons and three paper aeroplanes shot off through the windows.

* * *

In five minutes, Bunny, Tooth and Sandy had arrived. Bunny turned to North, looking extremely irritated. 'What is it this time North?' He growled, 'There's barely a month until Easter and I still have a hundred thousand eggs to finish.' 'I didn't send for you all,' North said. 'I did,' Mammy said stepping forwards. Bunny took an instinctive step back.

'We need t' get Jack 'nd Death back t'gether.' Bunny, Tooth and Sandy looked surprised. 'You summoned me here a month before Easter because Jack and Death have stopped bumming each other?!' 'EXCUSE ME BUNNYMUND, I WON'T HAVE THAT FUCKIN' LANGUAGE IN MY HOUSE!' Mammy said, hitting Bunny hard over the ears with a very large and thick tea-towel. 'Is my house actually,' North said and he cowered under Mammy's glare.

'Well,' Tooth began tentatively 'It is Valentine's day tomorrow.' 'What'sh yer feckin' point?' Mammy snapped. 'Maybe we can have a celebration or something and that'll get them back together.' 'Tooff, even by your shtandardsh, that'sh a feckin' shite suggestion.' Tooth looked deeply offended. 'I've got idea,' North said. 'Tooth, you took course in psychology. Why don't you give Death and Jack counselling session?' 'Counselling!?' Mammy spluttered. 'That's not a bad idea North,' Bunny said. 'No,' Mammy tried to interject. 'Yeah, I'll go and tell them,' Tooth said flying off. North got up and strode towards his workshop, Bunny disappeared down a tunnel and Sandy had fallen asleep a while back. The telephone rang.

'Tooff, wait, you're not qualified to feckin' council fer god's shake. TOOFF!' Still looking at the retreating form of Tooth, Mammy reached her hand over to the table and picked up the end of a power cable instead of the phone. 'TOOFF, fer god's sake.' Mammy sighed and put the cable to her ear. 'Hell-AAARRRGGGHHH!' she yelled. She staggered across the balcony, tripped over the guard-rail, fell and was saved by her blouse becoming entangled up in the wire. 'Hello?' She called. 'Anyone there?'

* * *

Valentine's day dawned bright and cool. Jack sat in the Pole's kitchen with a depressed look on his face, scooping cookie dough out of a large vat with his hand and then dipping it into a jug of milk before gulping it down whole. The milk was slightly salty with tears that were running down Jack's face. Every now and then, Jack would fall face first onto the table and begin sobbing. Mammy entered the kitchen and flicked the light switch. Nothing happened. She kicked the wall. The lights flickered on. The bang and lights made Jack look up.

'Oh hi,' Jack sniffed, sucking residual dough off of his fingers. 'Yer up early,' Mammy said. Jack just sniffed again. 'How are thingsh with you and Death?' Jack looked up. 'You heard about that then?' 'I wasn't eavesdropping, I just wanted to sleep on the landing that'sh all.' It was a lame excuse, so lame that it was almost believable, but Jack wasn't in the mood. He fell back into deep sadness and began sobbing.

A knock rang out. 'What d'ya want granddad?' Mammy called. 'I don't feel well,' came the response. 'Yer three 'undred and forty five millyan yearsh old, yer not supposhed to feel well,' Mammy snapped back. 'I think I'm dying,' Grandad called. 'Well tell me when you're feckin' sure!' Jack actually laughed. 'What if he really is sick?' he asked. 'He'sh not. His budgie died yesterday, that's all,' Mammy said, taking a small gulp of tea from the mug she had just poured herself. 'He must be upset then,' Jack said. 'He'sh jusht at that age. Hish budgie diesh, he'sh sure he'sh gonna be next,' Mammy paused, her mug halfway to her mouth. 'WITH A BIT OF FUCKIN' LUCK!' she screamed at Granddad.

* * *

Death wasn't faring much better. He merely sat in his bedroom staring into space. 'What's wrong with you Azarel? You used to be the life of the party.' A cloud of vapour coalesced into the form of a very fat, stripped cat that was grinning toothily. 'I'm not in the mood for fun Stephen,' Death snapped. 'Oh, I see; the chalice broken on the wheel, the pitcher shattered at the fountain,' Stephen said rolling over in mid-air.

'What the hell are you on about?' Death said, eying him. 'I mean a lover scorned, oopsey,' Stephen laughed and vanished as Death threw a candlestick at him. Stephen reappeared on Death's shoulder and said 'I have a letter for you from Toothiana.' He dropped a letter into Death's lap. Death picked it up and read it. In a few seconds a small pile of ash was the only sign that a letter had even existed.

'are you alright sir?'

Bonehilda entered the room holding a tray of bottles, each and everyone filled with a mixture of vodka and whisky. 'No I am not,' Death snapped. He grabbed a bottle, gulped down half the liquid and then drenched himself with the rest of it. 'What a waste of good liquor,' Stephen sighed and dissipated on the air. 'A counselling session,' Death mumbled angrily.

* * *

Bunny stood above the pond, brushing his fur whist studying his reflection. This was the day. He was going to ask Tooth on a date. He breathed into his hand and sniffed it. 'Good god,' he gasped, coughing slightly. His breath smelled of rotten carrots. Why? He'd been on a diet, he hadn't eaten a carrot for six days. He dipped his hand into the purple stream, brought the liquid to his mouth, swirled it around his teeth and spat it out. He sniffed his breath again. Much sweeter. He opened a tunnel and disappeared down it.

Tooth hovered in front of her mirror, straightening her head feathers. Baby Tooth hovered around her. Tooth opened a small pot, dipped a brush into it and then painted her lips with the pink/purple lipstick inside. Today was the day she was going to ask Bunny on a date. She smoothed her feathers and then reached into a small box and took out a golden tooth-brush. She squirted a drop of her own special recipe tooth paste onto the bristles, pressed a button on a stopwatch and began to brush.

'Brush tilted a 45 degrees precisely. Short gentle strokes paying close attention to the gum-line. Outer upper and then lower teeth, inner upper and then lower teeth and finally the tongue to freshen breath.' The stopwatch rang. 'Two minutes exactly,' Tooth said, spitting out the foam. 'Do not rinse the mouth afterwards.'

This is genuine brushing advice.

Bunny strode through the tooth palace, taking deep breaths to steady himself. The mini-fairies eyed him as he passed. A couple began to whisper to each other behind their hands. It was very off-putting. He turned a corner and walked straight into tooth. 'BUNNY!' 'Hello Tooth,' Bunny hesitated, 'Well... um... fancy seeing you here.' Tooth looked blankly at him. 'I live here,' she said. Bunny blushed with embarrassment. There was a brief silence... and then Bunny and Tooth spoke at the same time. 'Do you wanna go on a date with me?'

They stared at each other. 'Are you asking me on a date?' Tooth said, terrified she'd misherd or misunderstood. 'Yes,' Bunny whispered, blushing a shade of ruby-red. Tooth giggled with delight virtually dancing on the spot. 'Yeah, wouldn't mind,' she said calmly. She hovered away. Once she was out of sight, 'YES! YES! FUCKIN' YES!' 'I can still hear you Tooth,' Bunny said. Tooth froze and blushed.

* * *

At lunchtime, Bunny began to prepare himself. He took a shower beneath a waterfall (a very rare sight), brushed his fur, trimmed his claws, fluffed his tail, polished his boomerangs and put on an extremely powerful, but attractive cologne. Bunny smiled at his reflection in the lake. 'You'll knock her dead,' he said.

'Come on ladies,' Tooth said. Her mini-fairies flew around her. It had been a long time since they had done something not related to teeth. Several held up different dresses to her body so she could compare them. Others put on her earings. Still others put on her make-up. Mini-fairies could attend to the smallest details. Tooth finally picked up a tooth shaped bottle and sprayed a strong perfume into the air. The droplet cloud gently fell through the air and she hovered through it, lightly embracing her in the scent.

Bunny stood at the lake by the tooth palace, gazing at the mural showing children giving their teeth to Toothiana. 'Hello Bunny.' Bunny turned... and his eyes widened. Tooth was nothing less than a vision of perfection. In contrast to her normal rainbow of colours, she was a wearing a plain, purple dress which flowed around her like a waterfall. This simple choice of garment seemed to enhance her beauty.

* * *

A two weeks ago, Bunny had booked a table at the Ithaa restaurant in the Maldives, he'd had to with a two-week waiting list. An underwater restaurant under full moon light was particularly romantic he thought. Tooth looked through the curved, glass windows. A ray drifted past the window. Just visible above the surface were streams of golden sand.

The night flew by with a 23 course meal, a marvellous wine selection and a shoal of butterfly fish.

The meal ended with Port and cigars. Tooth sipped her glass while Bunny lightly smoked a magical cigar which would neither produce smoke nor damage the lungs. Tooth sighed. She deliberately placed her hand on the table while looking through the window. All of a sudden, a warm pressure was on her hand. Bunny had placed his paw on her hand. They looked at each other... and slowly leaned in towards each others lips.

They were inches apart... when... 'BUNNY! TOOFF! WHAT ARE YEH FUCKIN' DOIN'!' They pulled back and stared into the face of Mammy Nature. 'What 'appened to the counc'lin' session?' She was tapping her foot on the ground, a terrifying sight. Before either Bunny or Tooth could reply, Mammy grabbed Tooth's hand and dragged her away. Tooth gazed gloomily back at Bunny. 'See you later then,' she said, waving glumly. Bunny sighed and downed the bottle of port in three large gulps.

* * *

Jack and Death sat next to each other on a sofa in Grim cottage lounge. Tooth sat in a straight-backed dining chair by the fireplace, scribbling on a clipboard. Mammy sat in an armchair beside the television. She made scoffing noises under her breath. 'Couns'lin',' she muttered. 'No counseling in my day. If me and Manny had problemsh, we didn't go to a councilor.' 'What did you do then?' Jack asked. 'We sorted it out ourselves. We went into a room on our own... and I'd beat the crap outta him.'

Both Jack and Death snorted under their breath. Tooth glared. 'We're ready now,' she said. She, Jack and Death turned to Mammy. 'What?' she asked. 'I think everyone would prefer it if you weren't here,' Tooth said. 'Well it'sh a pity everyone doeshn't pay the rent on the planet,' Mammy said crossing her arms and legs, smiling cheekily. 'Well be quiet then,' Tooth said, frowning. 'Fly, wall, me... buzz,' Mammy said. 'Whatever,' Tooth said stiffly.

'Now,' she said, turning to Death and Jack, 'Let's begin.' 'Name-tagsh.' Everyone turned to look at Mammy. 'You didn't give ush the name-tagsh.' 'Name-tags?' Tooth said confused, 'What name-tags?' 'You're supposed to get name-tagsh at theshe thingsh. Y'know, "I'm Agnes Nature, I'm a feckin' lunatic".' The corner of Tooth's eye twitched. 'You don't get name-tags,' she said. 'Ah you forgot the name-tags,' Mammy said. Tooth turned back to Jack when 'I've got shtickersh in the kitchen. If you write the names on them...' 'Mammy, please,' Tooth snapped.

'Jusht tryin' t' help ya with the badge situation,' Mammy said. 'I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION!' Tooth barked. 'That'sh obvioush, cuz yah don't _have_ badges!' 'I did not forget the badges, we're just not having badges BECAUSE WE DON'T FUCKING NEED BADGES!' Everyone stared at her. Tooth never lost her temper like this.

'Tooth, calm down,' Mammy said raising her hands in a calming way. 'Jack doesn't need a badge, Death doesn't need a badge, I don't need a badge, fuck the badges.' Tooth turned to Jack. 'Jack, what...' 'Tooth, can I just say...' 'WHAT!' Tooth snarled. 'This is Death's houshe so Death should go first.' 'It doesn't matter who goes first. If you don't mind there is a system to...' 'If there's a system...' Mammy said getting to her feet, 'How come it doesn't matter who goes first?'

'You do this every time,' Tooth growled getting to her feet, 'You always mess up what I do.' 'Don't ejaculate.' 'WHAT!' Death and Jack whipped round. 'She means exaggerate,' Tooth said. 'What about my date with Bunny?' Tooth snarled. 'Oh get over it', Mammy said. Tooth went ballistic. 'GET OVER IT?! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO GO ON A DATE WITH BUNNY FOR 400 YEARS, AND YOU RUINED IT!' 'YOU WOULDN'T BE HAPPY WITH BUNNY!' Mammy shouted. 'WELL I'M NOT HAPPY NOW!' 'THEN WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO YOURSELF AND LEAVE THOSE TWO ALONE!'

* * *

The argument went on for half an hour and at the end Mammy and Tooth charged out of the room.

Death and Jack sat on the sofa in complete silence. 'Well, I feel better,' Jack said eventually. Death smiled at him. 'So do I.' And they both burst into hysterics. When they finally regained control of themselves, Death sat up and said, 'I'm sorry Jack.' 'No, it was my fault,' Jack said with a wave of his hand. 'I shouldn't have reacted like that.' 'Yes you should. You were right Jack. We can't allow ourselves to be isolated.' They both smiled.

'Come on Jack, let's go home,' Death said getting to his feet, Jack stared. 'You still want me to live with you?' he said, stunned. 'Yeah,' Death said, and then he paused. 'On one condition,' he finished.

And with all the grace of a ballet dancer... Death swept down onto one knee. Jack froze. 'Jack Frost...' Death said, taking a small velvet box out of his pocket. 'Will you marry me?' Inside the box was a golden ring with a beautiful three carat diamond set in the centre. There was complete silence.

'YES!' Jack yelled. The ring was slipped onto Jack's finger. They leapt into each others arms and kissed.

* * *

Mammy and Tooth watched from the kitchen. 'I thought that went well,' Mammy said, smiling. Tooth beamed. 'Yeah, it was a great idea,' she said. Hi-five. 'Are ya gonna go back to Bunny?' Mammy said. Tooth paused. 'I thought you didn't...' 'Tooff, I'm your Mother. Not your biological mother, but still... all we mothers do... is make our children happy.' A tear slid down Tooth's face. 'Thank you Mammy,' Tooth said and she flew off into the sky.

_**'That's it I suppose. That's what we mothers do. We make our kids happy. I still don't fucking' like it.**_

Sandy walked past Mammy. He was holding a bottle of viagra and a box of condoms. 'Who's the girl; Lady Luck or April Fool?' Mammy asked. Sandy formed one word above his head. "Threesome."

_**Goodnight readers.'**_


	3. Chapter 3: Happy Easter

Happy Easter

**Bunny goes delivering his eggs for Easter. Meanwhile the Guardians, Mammy and her friend Cupid go for a drink at Phil's Bar. Apologies for the dreadful chapter, it's only a little Easter thing.**

* * *

The Warren

Bunny painted the final details onto the egg. 'YES!' he roared. Finally, all of his Easter eggs were finished. He checked the time. Evening was drawing on. Time to hide the eggs. He gathered his best into a basket and set the others onto their tiny little legs. The eggs trotted into the tunnels. Bunny tapped the ground, opened a tunnel and jumped into it.

Burgess

Bunny's ears poked up above the ground. All was silent... and then... 'BUNNY, BUNNY, HOP, HOP, HOP!' Bunny jumped ten foot into the air. Sophie was standing right beside the tunnel mouth.' Hey there ya lil' ankle-biter,' Bunny laughed, kneeling down and ruffling her hair. She giggled. 'Hi Bunny,' came a voice. Bunny looked up. Jamie was walking towards Bunny. 'Hi Jamie, hows ya?' Bunny asked smiling.

'I'm fine, how is Jack?' Jamie asked hesitantly. 'Umm...' Bunny hesitated, 'Jack and Death are getting... married.' Jamie stared. Bunny closed his eyes and bit his lip.

'Good old Jack,' Jamie said smiling. Bunny's eyes snapped open. 'WHA-!' Bunny spluttered. 'I'm really happy for him,' Jamie continued. 'You're not bothered?' 'No, not at all.' Bunny smiled. 'In that case, Jack said to tell you that your invited to the wedding and he wants you to be his page-boy.'

Phil's Bar

'ere Tooth, I 'eard your date was a disaster,' Cupid said over the bowl of peanuts. Tooth frowned at her. 'It wasn't,' Tooth snapped. 'Yer better off love,' Mammy said ,'Men, they're all preverts.' **_[deliberate misspelling] _**'Oh come on Mammy, not all men are sex maniacs,' Tooth said. 'Yes they are,' Mammy said. 'Remember that time when Pitch came to stay with his wife?' Jack's jaw dropped.

'Pitch has a wife?' Death asked gobsmacked. '_Had _a wife is a more accurate terming,' Mammy said. She sniggered before continuing. 'Pitch was always the posh one in the family. You should have heard him when he and his wife _came! _Oh, haha. "Oh I'm arriving, I'm arriving" he'd scream.' Everyone burst out laughing.

London

DING, DONG, DANG, DONG! DONG, DANG, DING, DONG!

Bunny clapped his hands over his ears as the Big Ben clock tower struck midnight. 'Geez!' he said, wincing. He'd come up in the middle of Hyde Park. Bunny got to work at once. Unfortunately he ended up being chased by a Bulldog through the Park and into the Serpentine lake.

At one point Bunny got completely lost and ended up in what he presumed was another park... at least until he was chased throughout the grounds by a small pack of Corgies. 'Oh bloody hell,' Bunny said as he stared up at Buckingham palace. 'OUCH!' he yelled as a Corgie jumped up and sank it's jaws into Bunny's tail.

Phil's Bar

Phil came over to the group holding a tray of drinks. The following is an automatic translation. **'A small Gin and Orange...' **'That's mine,' Tooth said. **'Four pints of vodka...' **'That my order,' North said. **'Lime soda with ice and umbrella...' **Sandy raised his hand, smacking his lips. **'Coke and Bacardi...' **'Here thanks,' Jack said. **'One gallon of Everclear...' **'That'sh mine,' Mammy said. **'A small scotch...' **'Ooo lovely,' Cupid said clapping her hands. **'So you'll be the Baileys and Whiskey, Death?' **'Quite correct, thank you Phil.'

New York

Bunny crept through Central Park. Bushes and benches were good places to hide eggs. Unfortunately, someone had decided to go for a midnight walk with their pet Alsatian. Bunny stared down from his branch as the dog barked up at him. Bunny threw one of his eggs down at the dog. It yelped and ran back to it's owner. Bunny jumped down. 'Yeah, you run away you little scum bag!'

Out from behind the tree stepped... Pitch... leaning on a pair of crutches and supporting a heavily bandaged arm. A small Nightmare spider jumped into Bunny's basket. 'Keep an eye on them for me,' Pitch said wearily.

Phil's Bar

'Bunny is a gentleman,' Tooth said, slightly slurred. 'How would you deshcribe a gentleman Tooff?' Mammy said. 'Opens the door for you,' Death said. 'Pulls chair up when you go sit down,' North interjected. 'Takes your coat off for you,' Jack added. 'DIRTY BASTARD!' Cupid and Mammy said in unison. 'What?' 'That's all put on,' Mammy continued taking a large gulp of her Everclear. 'He just wants put his carrot in your chopper.' Death nearly died of lack of oxygen due to laughter.

Sydney

Bunny sat outside the Sydney Opera House. An opera was being performed that night and it just happened to be one of Bunny's favourites. Bunny hummed along with the shrill voice of the lead singer echoing through the Opera House. He had now hidden all of his eggs and could take a moment to relax. He didn't notice the tiny nightmare spider sitting in his basket.

Pitch watched through the arachnids eyes. 'Maybe, I can finally manage to return.' Pitch smiled then winced.

Phil's Bar

Death took a large gulp of his drink. 'I loves ya Jack. You're my finance,' He fumbled. 'It's fiancé actually,' Tooth said resting her hand on his shoulder. 'That's what I said,' Death shouted. '

заткнись' North yelled. 'What ya fucking talking about?' Mammy bellowed. It was perfectly clear they were all drunk. This was proved by the pub brawl that quickly ensued.

Bunny stepped into the pub. When he saw his family lying on the table and the trashed pub all he could say was... 'YOU'RE ALL FUCKING PISSED!'

The next morning...

Mammy sat on the sofa in the pole. 'Morning Mammy,' Bunny said loudly. 'Shut up Bunny,' Mammy said clutching her head.

**'May that be a lesson to you. Never drink to excess and... and... oh just goodnight.'**

* * *

**Author's note**

**Sex between our favourite ice spirit and reaper will appear in the next chapter... and it will be intense I promise.**


	4. Chapter 4: Have you been wicked Jack?

Chapter 4: 'Have you been wicked Jack?'

This one is **_Pure Yaoi_**

* * *

It had been a tiring day. Jack ascended the stairs to the bedroom, yawning as he did so. He hadn't seen Death all day and was currently feeling rather abandoned. He sighed as he opened the bedroom door... and his jaw dropped.

'Hello, Jack.'

Standing in front of him, wearing a black leather jock strap and harness and carrying a riding crop... was Death.

Jack staggered backwards and fell into a chair. 'Whoa!' he said, unable to say anything else. 'Impressed I take it?' Death said smiling. Jack nodded.

'Are you sitting comfortably?' Death asked sweetly. 'Yeah,' Jack said. 'BAD!' Death shouted, 'Get on the bed, on your hands and knees.' Jack quickly complied. 'Strip,' Death commanded. Jack did so. His already erect, eight inch penis jumped out of his underwear. 'It looks like someone's enjoying himself,' Death taunted, sliding his fingers along Jack's hard length, 'And we've only just begun.'

'Have you been a naughty boy Jack?' Death said trailing the riding crop down Jack's spine. Jack moaned. 'I asked you a question,' Death said, slapping Jack hard with the riding crop. Jack groaned as the exquisite pain rushed down his back. 'Have you been wicked, Jack?' Death asked again. 'Yes,' Jack gasped. 'I thought so,' Death said. He hit Jack again who groaned harder.

'Do you know what happens to bad boys, Jack?' Death said walking around Jack. Jack looked up at Death. 'What happens?' he asked. SMACK! 'What happens **_SIR_**,' Death snapped. 'Sorry sir,' Jack said hurriedly. 'That's better,' Death said. He tilted Jack's head up with the tip of the crop to face him. 'The answer to the question... is that naughty little boys who misbehave... must be punished.'

Death grinned. A trickle of blood ran down his teeth as it always did when he was enjoying himself. Jack reached for his hard cock and received a sharp slap on his ass with the riding crop. 'Did I say you were allowed to touch yourself Jack?' asked Death evilly. 'No sir,' Jack said his voice quivering with longing. 'That's right, I didn't. Such a naughty boy,' Death tutted. He shook his head. 'It looks like you need to be taught a little lesson.'

Death reached under the bed and pulled out a length of chains. Jack whimpered at the sight of them. Death snapped his fingers and Jack's wrists were bound to the headboard and his ankles to the footboard. 'No,' Jack whimpered. 'Quiet,' snapped Death, smacking Jack with the riding crop again. Death grinned wider, a second trickle of blood joining the first. Death's blue eyes began to turn black with lust.

Death trailed his tongue over Jack's left ear who shuddered with pleasure. 'Please sir,' Jack begged 'Fuck me.' 'Don't tell me what to do Frost,' Death said hitting Jack with the riding crop, 'Such a little slut of you to beg though.' At this point, one could be forgiven for thinking that Death's mouth was bleeding as a single drop of blood-stained saliva dripped out of his mouth and fell onto Jack's back.

Death's fingers twitched. He trailed one of the digits down Jack's spine who shuddered. Death paused at Jack's hole. Death snapped his fingers and a bottle of lube appeared in his hands. A drop of lube was squeezed into his hand and he rubbed it onto his skin. He trailed his finger gently over Jack's hole... and then pressed it in.

'Oh god, oh shit, OH FUCK!' Jack shrieked. Death added a second finger and Jack's breath became sharp and then ragged as Death made scissoring motions with his fingers, prising him slowly, almost lovingly apart. Jack gasped as the third finger was added. He was being stretched. It was painful but oh so wonderful.

'Shall we add another, Jack?' Death asked. 'OH GOD YES!' Jack yelled. Death added finger AND thumb. Jack almost went over the edge. Death brushed Jack's sensitive area. 'Are you gonna cum?' Death asked. 'Yes sir,' Jack moaned. 'Tough luck!' He snapped and pulled all five of his digits out.

Jack groaned at the emptiness and the sensation of being denied his orgasm almost caused him to cry, but suddenly something wet, slimy and warm was touched to his anus. 'Death, are you rimming me?' Jack gasped. 'Silence while I'm playing with you,' Death said, 'And I told you to call me sir.' Death's tongue flicked across Jack's hole. Jack breathed in sharply through his teeth. Death was really good at this.

Death's tongue circled around Jack's tight hole... then pressed in. Jack screamed in pleasure. In all of his long life he had never before known pleasure this intense. Death's warm, moist tongue trailed over Jack's internal velvet. Death's now black eyes gleamed with lust. His pure white teeth brushed against Jack's pucker. Jack bit his lip in an attempt to prevent himself screaming out loud again.

Death pulled his tongue out. He then twisted around Jack's body like a snake and came face to face with his lover. He kissed Jack intensely on the lips. He then moved up so that his crotch was level with Jack's mouth. Death snapped his fingers and his jock strap dissolved. Death's cock was twelve inches long. 'Holy fuck,' Jack gasped in amazement.

Jack opened his lips and pressed his mouth down onto the head of Death's penis. This time, it was Death's turn to gasp in ecstasy. 'Oh yes,' Death said. While Jack's gasps had been ragged and laboured, Death's gasps were deep and controlled, reflecting his personality; he was always calm. Blood trickled down Death's teeth. His pleasure was now intense. Blood was running down his neck from his jaws. His eyes were flashing.

Jack's head bobbed up and down, faster and faster on Death's cock. Pre-cum was trickling onto Jack's tongue, whether sweet or salty, he couldn't tell which, but by god it was tasty. He sucked hard. Death groaned with satisfaction. He could feel his pleasure reaching its maximum, but he knew he had to stop because he hadn't performed the greatest act of sexual intercourse.

With all the will-power he possessed, he pulled Jack's head off of his cock. Jack looked up, shocked and disappointed. 'What did you do that for?' he asked. Death pulled Jack's face close and whispered in his ear. 'We haven't reached the best part yet.' Death smiled and kissed his lover. He circled around Jack and positioned himself. 'Ready Jack?' Death asked, his voice quivering with excitement. 'Oh god yes,' Jack said.

There was a brief moment and then... Death's heated cock entered Jack's ice-cold entrance. Both boys screamed in ecstasy. As Death pressed in further and and further, wild half-formed thoughts raced through Jack's coition dazed mind. Pleasure and bliss were the only emotions the two felt. At last, Death reached the hilt. Then he grabbed Jack's cock and began to pump it hard. Jack had never before been this... well, there wasn't a word to describe it. It was simply and utterly complete bliss.

'Come on, COME ON!' Death yelled as he began to pound Jack hard. For the third time, the strange feeling that preceded orgasm was rising in Jack's gut. His breath rate increased. Death was starting the shake as his orgasm approached. 'I'm gonna cum, I'M GONNA CUM!' Death yelled. 'Oh god, OH GOD, **OH FUCK!' **Jack shrieked. Their bodies tensed up. Their muscles went into spasm.

They both screamed at the same time. Streams of ice white semen flew forth from Jack's cock. At the same time, Death released into Jack, his hot seed filling Jack's interior. Death collapsed onto Jack's back then rolled off. After a moment, Death lit a cigar. 'I thought you didn't approve of smoking,' Jack said. 'After sex is different,' Death said 'It doesn't change the fact that smoking is still a disgusting habit.'

He took a single puff, crushed the cigar and threw the remnants out of the window. Both Jack and Death lay in silence on the bed. Death's eyes resumed their normal colour of blue. 'I love you Jack,' Death said, 'And it isn't just the post-coitial bliss talking, I actually mean it.' 'Really?' Jack asked, 'I love you too.' They held each others hands and fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

_While down in the hourglass room, sand began to twist and writhe. A new hourglass was being formed._

* * *

Mammy sat on the chair in the drawing room reading a book. She smiled to herself. 'Shounds like they had shome fun,' she said glancing at the ceiling.

**_If any of you ever have seks, try to do it on the quiet... oh and try to use contraception... which we didn't have in my day which explains why I shtuck with these ejits. Goodnight._**


End file.
